5 Ways Diet Culture Affects Extremely Picky Eaters (and How to Protect Them)

Like it or not, diet culture permeates our community and family culture, and has negative health effects for adults and children alike. Thankfully, there are many ways to protect your family food culture, and routes to healing when necessary.

Here are five ways your child with feeding difficulties may be affected in subtle or obvious ways

1. American food culture is seeped in diet culture

As children and now adults who ‘grew up’ receiving subtle and not-so-subtle messages from diet culture, we are often not aware of how our beliefs and knowledge base about foods and nutrition are affected by diet culture. Parents and family members can pass diet or body-image beliefs onto their kids without intending to.

2. Diet culture outside the home

When your child is eating outside of the home: Who are the caregivers or staff directly involved? What are their assumptions about what and how much children should eat based on their experiences around food, health, and bodies? This often includes ideas about protein, ‘healthy fats’ and carbs, vegetables, added sugar, processed and refined foods, plant vs. animal foods, etc. What’s so ‘bad’ about talking about ‘healthy’ foods, you ask? Often, more processed forms of food are easier for kids with feeding differences or delays to take in. These ‘demonized’ foods are often in their ‘same and safe’ category. These foods are sustaining the child and provide nutrients. They are also providing a felt safety experience for the child, and should not be discussed as being ‘bad’, ‘red light’, or ‘sometimes’ food. Withholding preferred food in order to get them to eat a non-preferred food is a ‘red flag’ and should be investigated further.

3. ‘Foodie’ culture can lead to harmful assumptions & shame

‘Foodie’ culture and the ‘food is medicine’ movement have changed the way younger generations think about food and health. While some of the interest and information are helpful and healthy, it can tend to overemphasize eating as a hobby vs. eating for hunger- as well as elevating eating as an ‘art’ form. When children (and adults!) have a so-so or just ‘no’ relationship to the foods foodies and health-conscious people rave about, it can be a very alienating or shame-inducing experience for parents and children alike. The parents’ goal may simply be to get through a meal without anything being thrown- adding kale to the mix is likely not going to be helpful advice. Modern foodie or online health culture often values high-cost ingredients and flavor profiles that are not easily accessible to many young kids and families. The ‘food as medicine’ movement also tends to judge those with dependence on the food ‘system’, culturally important foodways, and feeling comfort from or having sensory issues with specific foods. There are lots of assumptions being drawn from this crowd that tends to be ableist and elitist.

4. Overfocus on growth and size differences can mask needs

Kids at the top and bottom of growth charts are sometimes unfairly judged and given blanket solutions, while kids in the middle of the growth charts are assumed to be healthy, not at risk, or not needing accommodations and support.

5. Disordered eating assumptions are rampant in diet culture

‘Diet Culture’ has a tendency to assume what works for me or one population will work for another. There is a theory called ‘double’ empathy in the neurodivergent community that challenges the dominant narrative that individuals with autism need to be ‘fixed’ or ‘cured’ in order to function in society. It is often assumed that kids with feeding differences need to eat the types and varieties of foods in an amount way that is ‘normal’ for their age group. Diet culture also does not account for the reasons behind ‘disordered’ eating are very different from one person to the next. For example- someone can be ‘underweight’ related to body image concerns or the need to control everyday experiences related to trauma, as is often the case with an eating disorder like anorexia. Someone else can have low body weight even though they would like to be able to eat, but when presented with food, their senses and system reject the food, revolting against it despite knowing they need food or are hungry. The treatment needs to look very different for these two individuals based on their lived experience and the root cause. In the same way, younger children that do not want to eat what is expected are not ‘bad’ or ‘difficult’.

How to protect kids with feeding difficulties

Embrace diversity in body size, eating patterns, and ability

Every human being is on a journey. Food and nourishing our bodies are fundamental parts of the journey. Empathy and respect for self and others are important personal characteristics to evolve on this journey. The journey to body kindness begins with compassion for yourself and your body.

Ask your school or center supervisors and staff if they have a food and nutrition curriculum

Find out more about what they say and do to ‘get’ your child to eat at school or center. Do they understand how adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) and social determinants of health factors impact food choices? Do they discuss personal responsibility only without keeping these factors in mind?

When a well-meaning foodie or health-conscious person interacts with you or your family members:

• Honor where you’re at, open yourself to information if it’s welcome, and don’t be afraid to kindly walk away from those conversations if it’s not welcome.
• Notice how your body feels and what feelings come up.
• Stand in strength and solidarity with other parents going through this.
• Be vulnerable enough to say nothing or reflect simply on how you are feeling: ‘We try to find the best balance for our family, and I am not open to making any changes or talking about this right now’.
• Know in your gut there are so many ways for our bodies to get the nutrients we need.
• There are also many ways to ‘nourish’ yourself and your kid outside of the food realm: healing/healthy movement, relationships, ways of thinking, feeling, and being.

Each child has a unique growth pattern. Make sure your pediatrician gets to know their food and health story, alongside their growth chart.

Children that are really struggling with gaining enough or repeatedly gaining more than average will benefit from specialist referrals and guidance. Look for weight-inclusive or health at every size supportive practitioners- don’t be afraid to ask how they view overweight kids. If you are a parent with a kid struggling whose weight has always been ‘in the middle’ or ‘ok’: know that your child might have less ‘obvious’ issues that still need to be addressed, no matter what their growth is. You may be feeling like your child’s struggle is ‘hidden’ or that your concerns aren’t valid, seen, or heard. Please seek support because you need a break and practical solutions to improve your family’s quality of life around eating!